Tribute to William Hung

Do you remember William Hung, the American Idol star? Well if your like most people then you probably don't, whereas I still proudly wear my "William Hung Fan Club: No Professional Training Required" t-shirt.

If you're unfamiliar with Hung, he became famous after horribly singing "She Bangs" by Ricky Martin in the American Idol try-outs. He had gotten his courage up after winning a talent competition in his dorm at Berkeley. So after singing the song, the judges were laughing at him and here's the dialogue that followed:

Simon: "You can't sing, you can't dance, so what do you want me to say?"
Hung: "Um, I already gave my best, and I have no regrets at all. You know, I have no professional training of singing and dancing." Simon: "No? Well this is the surprise of the century."

What a stud! Consequently he has put out three CDs (to which I have bought every one on the first day). He's been on tons of talk shows, competed in Celebrity Deathmatch, been in commercials had starred in two movies, and is still performing today. The funny part is that he's been taking voice lessons and actually getting pretty good. If this story isn't motivation enough to inspire you, hopefully these pictures of William Hung are...

The Alleger Factor

So while teaching Martha how to play tennis, I was telling her how to keep score and started wondering why it was so complicated. I want to share some interesting things I have learned in the past few days:

• Tennis scoring. Tennis was invented by the French aristocracy, and they invented an unusual scoring to “veil” the score from peasants (for example, deuce, love, add, etc). They could hide the score of the game even though the peasant may be watching.

• Tying the knot. Comes from when beds didn’t have springs, but rather cut pieces of ropes that you would tie to each end of the bedframe. When a couple got married, they would have to assemble their bed. Similarly the phrase sleep tight came from the process of tightening the cords so they wouldn’t sag, and consequently so the bed bugs couldn’t as easily get to them.

• McDonalds. There has never been a war between two countries with operating McDonalds in them. Consequently Arby’s is the leading cause of warfare today.

"Subway freeze"

So when I was in line for Subway, I had pre-decided what I wanted and then turned my mind off while I waited. Then it finally comes to my turn and I order what I want - the meatball sandwich.

"Oh I'm sorry, we're out of meatballs. Can I get you something else?"

AND FREEZE.

Your mind was set. Only meatball sounds good. You don't even know the other options. Everyone is waiting. You can barely read the menu because you're still in aftershock from them not having what you want.

This common symptom I would like to coin as the "Subway freeze." This happens in more places than just Subway. When you're at a girl's door dropping her off, when you're in a job interview, when you jump during a scary movie and need to think up an excuse, or when someone drops something and you have to quickly decide how to tell them. Subway freeze.

Roast Recovery

"A roast, in North American English, is an event in which an individual is subject to publicly bearing comedic insults, praise, outlandish true and untrue stories and heartwarming tributes. The implication being that the roastee is able to take the jokes in good faith and not as serious criticism or insult, and therefore show their good nature. It is seen as a great honor to be roasted, as the individual is surrounded by friends, fans, and well-wishers, who can receive some of the same treatment as well during the course of the evening. The party and presentation itself are both referred to as a roast. The host of the event is called the roastmaster. Anyone who is honored in such a way is said to have been 'roasted.'"

What an honor to be a chosen roastee! Perhaps...

Some of the highlights of the "Jason Alleger Roast 2009" included:
-Baby Gap, to which I still don't have a comeback for...
-Hoover Dam story. Once you've seen it and walked most of the way across, there's no need to go the rest of the way!
-My sense of direction. One story told about me getting directions to go around the corner.
-Torch juggling incident, told from an eye-witness. It was followed by an embellished story of me shaving my legs afterwards, only partially true.
-Ice Skating. Not a natural ability of mine.
-Snuggies. Yes, I take full credit.
-Pick up line: "If you were a pirate, would you have a parrot on this shoulder, or this shoulder?" Never actually used it, although it seems more appealing every time I hear it.
-Turning on lights. Is this really a bad thing? Life is more enjoyable with light, you get more things done, etc. Living like a caveman...not my style.

My stomach hurt the entire night, both from laughing so hard and from churning every time someone would get up to tell a story. I enjoyed the formality of the event, and that every 'roast' ended with "Boom, roasted" as if to emphasize their point and make sure the knife was fully penetrated in. This night was a tribute to all that is good in life. As Christy put it, "every moment with Jason is a roast anyway," so I'll keep on living the dream.

In an effort to "roast" some of the attendees, I hope this picture I stole from Beaz' blog will suffice:

Arby's...really?

"I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's!" -Homer Simpson

"Lisa, people do lots of crazy things in commercials...like eat Arby's." -Marge Simpson

"If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you." -Homer Simpson

What do all of these celebrities have in common? Yes, they all feel the same way towards Arby's. Usually I don't blindly follow the media, but in this case I think they have a good point.

Have you ever woken up in the morning and thought, "boy, I feel like eating Arby's!"
Do you eat at Arby's when you're not on a roadtrip?
Do you even know what the Arby's mascot is?

If you answered 'no' to these questions, then hopefully you realize that this restaurant is not for you. You may have also realized that their meat on their sandwiches comes from a liquid gel and that they get one of the worst cleanliness reviews of all fast food restaurants.

For some reason my roommates love Arby's. To be honest I think they took this side because of my strong preference against it. While coming back from grocery shopping we take a vote on where we want to eat, and to be funny they teamed up against me and choose Arby's.

Upon arriving, the restaurant was barren-empty and the workers all looked ready to kill themselves. We all ordered (myself very reluctantly) and I think it's safe to say that we all had an Arby's-sick feeling during and afterwards eating. I guess the real kicker was that when we got home and were setting up our router, untold to me they named our wireless connection name "We love Arby's." Now whenever I meet someone from the area and I tell them I live in Aretta Gardens 16 they say, "oh, so you love Arby's?" fml

With such good promotions as this, how could you resist the Arby's craving?


If you want to see something really funny, when I googled "arby's" for the picture, I came across this wikipedia article.

How a Speedo Changed my Life

Speedos are more uncomfortable than they look.

In our society, if one were to wear a Speedo to a public place, they would receive some interesting stares. On the contrary, in France someone would be kicked out of the public pool for not adorning one.

While living in France over a summer, I went to a pool with some friends and I showed up in my typical knee-length swimsuit. The lady at the front desk stopped me, saying that it was interdit (forbidden) to wear a suit similar to what I was wearing. She rudely pointed at a sign over her shoulder.

On this sign were two little boys. On the left side was a little frowning child sporting a similar shorts-style suit as mine with a giant "X" mark through it. On the right side was an exuberantly happy child with his hands on his waist, proudly wearing his speedo. At this moment I came to a realization that I would be faced with the decision to leave my comfort zone completely.

I asked one of my friends if he had a spare suit I could borrow, to which he reached deep into his bag and pulled out a small, blue speedo. Just my luck.

As I changed into my borrowed speedo, a lot of thoughts crossed through my mind. How does one walk while wearing a speedo? Sit? Bend over? Then I realized that the real reason I was there that day was not to wear a speedo, but to swim. The speedo was a means to which I would accomplish this goal, and with that I proudly marched out of the locker room in my tight-fitting suit.

As I peered over the edge of the pool, I realized that I would be joining the French ranks as one of their own. A smile itched its way over my face as I realized what I was about to do. What a story! What an adventure! What overcame me at the moment must have been a sight to see. I was suddenly an Olympic diver preparing for the dive of a lifetime. My mother would be proud of me, I thought as I raised my arms to jump headfirst into the pool. How good I must look in this Speedo! My shoulders arced back as if to compliment my otherwise perfect form. With confidence as my wings, I gracefully dove into the frigid water. The landing was not as elegant as one would have hoped, and the Speedo had its way of telling you.

Regardless I swam around and was having a great time with my friends in the pool. Once we had gotten our fill with water activities, my friends decided to embark on a new adventure - the waterslide.

It stood five stories above the surrounding area and I could see little French people in the distance hurtling down the beast, screaming the entire way. I was reluctant but my friends were persistent. I climbed the five stories and anxiously looked down the snaking slide. Without thinking twice I jumped in.

Turns out that French waterslides are a bit different than other waterslides. This one had clearly been assembled piece-by-piece, which meant that every five feet or so there was a significant bump. In a regular suit or with other protective padding this would be fine, but in a speedo you are infinitely more exposed. It is a lot like being thrown down a rocky hill - in your underwear. Now I understood why everyone was screaming.

Arriving at the bottom of the slide, a bit sore and without breath, I vowed never to go down a French waterslide again. The rest of the day was quite enjoyable, and I even had a picnic lunch outside of the pool while still in my Speedo. It was a great cultural experience and I learned how to adapt in new situations.

As I walked past the front desk I looked again at the sign of the child proudly wearing his speedo, and this time I realized why the little boy was smiling.

Human Torch

One cold night at the end of my freshman year at BYU, my friends and I decided to go up into Provo Canyon for a torch juggling show. I grabbed my torches, gasoline, and a bucket for water.

Upon arriving there was snow on the ground and everyone was anxious for the show. My friend and I lit up our torches and began to juggle. After a few minutes of juggling the flame typically dies down so you blow out the rest of the flame and refuel the torch.

You would think that after 19 years of blowing out birthday candles I would have been able to blow out a simple torch. Unfortunately the flame didn't go out all the way, and blindly I continued the process of refueling the torch. Dipping a lit torch into a bucket of gasoline is a lot like the aftereffect of two Sumo wrestlers slamming into each other - both explode outwards.

Needless to say, I was an instant human torch. Now, have you ever been on fire before?
It's an interesting sensation.

Everything goes slow motion, and everyone is screaming and you have no idea why. You look around and everything is on fire, and all you can think about is "boy it's hot." All of the stop-drop-roll training that you learn in Elementary school isn't applicable because you can't believe that you're actually on fire.

Luckily one of my friends there was crazier than I was, and he ran and tackled me into the snow. We rolled for about ten feet until I was extinguished. Then after about a minute of just lying on the ground trying to figure out what had happened, one of my other friends comes running over with a bucket of water and throws it on us. Completely unnecessary, and I guess no one taught him what water does to a gas fire. So I was burned, wet, and now without any body hair.

I ended up being ok, and smelt like burnt hair for the next few days. Since my legs were hairless, a few of my friends shaved their legs in honor.

I guess the best part about this story was its infamy. The story spread across the BYU campus, and even this past year (3 years later) I had someone tell me about the guy who caught himself on fire in the canyon while trying to torch juggle. I just smiled and nodded my head, my friend completely oblivious that they were talking to the legend.

Actual picture from the night:

Even this blog posting could be a story...

I'm taking the leap into the blogging world!

All who know me know that I have quite a few stories. This blog will try to capture these classic moments so that you, the reader, can enjoy them for more than when you're around me.

On an unrelated note, please enjoy this picture of "The Blob" from one of my favorite movies Heavyweights. After looking up the picture, I thought it ironic that the words blob/blog are so similar. Foreshadowing?