Shark Blood

We all have the friend who dresses a little too preppy. I believe karma and luck slowly build up until nature punishes them for being so well-dressed.

While my buddy and I were backpacking on the East Coast we stopped and visited our buddy in Atlantic City. He always wears polos and smells like oakwood, whereas my friend and I had been living out of our backpacks and showering at the occasional hostel.

The three of us decide to go charter fishing. My preppy friend in his Abercrombie shirt. We're all fishing and end up catching a shark. (I know, that's probably the manliest thing possible besides Bear Grylls). My buddy and I get shark blood on ourselves while wrestling it to the boat, and start calling eachother sharkblood.

While we're busy fighting with a shark, a bird flies overhead and drops a missile. It totally splats in his nicely-gelled hair. His nickname for the day? Birdpoop.

 

Sharkblood and Birdpoop

 

Shirts Off!

Is there anything more embarrassing than being caught with your shirt off with another man? Well yes, I guess if you were spotted at a renaissance fair all dressed up and playing a flute. 


So one day I had gotten home from the gym with my buddy Tyler. I decided to change really quick before leaving to our non-nerdy activity. 


I'm changing my shirt and Tyler goes into my bathroom to check himself out, and then at that moment I hear someone enter my house. We both go to see who it is. Both shirtless. 


Now the stairway downstairs is fairly narrow, and in our macho state we were both ready to pummel any robber. Needless to say we were pretty close as we stormed down the stairs. 


Then we both stop dead in our tracks. My roommate had arrived home with his new girlfriend. There stood two buff guys, squeezed on the stairs together with our shirts off. 

Electric Scooter

My grandma just celebrated her 80th birthday! So as a present she was given one of those old-people electric scooters. As I walked her to her house after her birthday dinner, she was telling me about the vehicle.


She said, "well it's red, shiny, and goes pretty fast. I don't really want it...would you like it?" 


Right as my grandma said this she opened up her door and voila! There stood the beautiful piece of work. I examined it, much like I'm sure a Picasso connoisseur would behold a newly-discovered piece of artwork. Running my hands over it, I couldn't help but slip onto the leather seat and test its padded comfort. 


The key was already in the ignition.


I revved it up, you could almost taste the voltage power. Accidentally, I pushed the wrong accelerator and it started beeping. I looked around to see what was the matter as the masterpiece accelerated backwards. 


It even has a "backing up" sound! 


Overwhelmed, I parked it and got off. Something this good needs to be saved and treasured. There comes a time in every persons life when they need to go joyriding in an old-person scooter. Tonight was not that night. Until soon, shiny red scooter.