Baby Gap

Comebacks should be extended to about two years after the original statement.

Getting home from a long day at school at BYU, my buddy Mark came and plopped down next to me on the couch. His pants seemed different. Out-of-place. Form-fitting. Being a great friend, I went ahead and told him:

"Nice pants, did you get them at Roxy?" I said, chuckling slightly to myself at my own wit.

In response, he just looks over and says, "Nice pants, did you get them at Baby Gap?" 

If bewilderment has a facial expression, my face was setting the standard. Of course, my other four roommates are already high-fiving Mark. 

My mind is racing, searching for any other retailer more embarrassing than Baby Gap. And it's still searching, almost two years later. 

Unfortunately, timeless quips have a way of sticking. So my nickname will be "Baby Gap" until I come up with an equally amazing comeback. So if you want to do a kind act of service today, please just think of a store worse than Baby Gap and help a brother out. 

For Your Enjoyment

I just learned that corn can have anywhere from 350 to 1,000 kernels. Also unrelated, for 85% of Americans there is a Wal-Mart within 15 miles of their home. 

Aside from these great facts, I'd like to share with you one my favorite youtube videos. If I ever have a child as cool as this, I will get him icecream every day.

Team Edward

                                            Middle names can be both a blessing and a curse.

If your parents are considerate, they'll name you something that flows nicely and won't set you too far apart from your peers. Such names as Eugene, Dick, or Bertha should be avoided just as a best-practice. 

One thing that parents should also be able to do is to see the future and accurately predict trends and potentially popular characters and avoid giving you these names. In my case, my parents should have looked into changing my middle name once the Twilight series was published.

Yes, my middle name is Edward.

It used to be that when I told people my middle name they would say "oh how nice." Now the reaction is, "no, really...what is it?" Then I have to explain that it really is Edward and the rest of the conversation will inevitably be about Twilight. 

So if you have to know, I am the inspiration of Team Edward. 

Blood Pathogen Training

At my internship at Sears, I have to do all sorts of online training. The subjects range from having to operate a cash register to how to set up a trap to catch cats.


Now I'm not a big fan of blood. Squeamish, faint-hearted, and passing out are all words that come to mind when I imagine the red substance. So of course Sears has an unnecessary training on what to do with a major blood spill. 


In my mind, the entire training should just say "Call 911."


But no. Graphic pictures are needed. Descriptions and examples are vivid. Everything is read out loud to you, just to ensure that the picture of a man holding his face with blood gushing out matches the story. 


Needless to say that was the most agonizing 20 minutes of my life. Now if there's a blood spill I'll remember to put on safety gloves before fainting.